Why do we strive to be accepted by fellow peers? I do this a lot now and it's funny, because I had reached a point where I really didn't care what people thought of me, but for some reason, I've been feeling it seep back into my life, as of recently. Why am I not fighting it? It honestly doesn't matter what someone thinks about me but I always let it get to me. I think it's because, when it happens with people you respect and they really don't like you at all, it hurts you. My head knows it doesn't matter but my heart? Well, that's a different story and for some reason, my heart is blocking out this knowledge and not letting it take effect.
I guess I'm paranoid to an extent. I always fear the worst with people. I know I'm not the only one who deals with this. I'm sure it's linked to insecurity at the very core of everything. Despite what it seems, I'm very insecure. I don't know why that is. Maybe it stems from other things in my life that went awry (and thinking about it, that actually makes perfect sense) and I haven't allowed myself to deal with or get over fully. As of lately; life just doesn't seem fair, and I know no one ever said it was fair or that it'd be easy, but more often than not; I feel the world weighing me down inch by inch.
I know I'm supposed to look at myself through the eyes of my Father; but it still baffles me that even He wants me. I'm nothing special and I've messed up so many times but He still wants me? Again, I know this but something in me doesn't let it seep down into my being.
Pray that I'd seek out God's word and follow Him...
The verses following this state that if your heart does not condemn you, than you have confidence before God. I wish I could I have confidence before God, but I think that'd be a lie.
Anyways, on a bit of a happier note; I'm meeting with Jeremy Larson today at 5 to discuss recording. Pray it goes well. I should get ready.
Seek TRUTH...
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